Comin' back ?

" This goes out to someone that was/ Once the most important person in my life/ I didn't realize it at the time/ I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you so/ I don't really expect you to either/ It's just... I don't even know/ Just listen../ You're the one that I want, the one that I need/ The one that I gotta have just to succeed/ When I first saw you, I knew it was real/ I'm sorry about the pain I made you feel/ That wasn't me, let me show you the way/ I looked for the sun, but it's raining today/ I remember when I first looked into your eyes/ It was like God was there, heaven in the skies/ I wore a disguise 'cause I didn't want to get hurt/ But I didn't know I made everything worse/ You told me we were crazy in love/ But you didn't care when push came to shove/ If you loved me as much as you said you did/ Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit/ Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me/ I loved you with my heart, really and truly/ I guess you forgot about the times that we shared/ When I would run my fingers through your hair/ Late nights, just holding you in my arms/ I don't know how I could do you so wrong/ I really wanna show you I really need to hold you/ I really wanna know you like no one could else know you/ You're number one, always in my heart/ And now I can't believe that our love is torn apart/ I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man/ And then sit and laugh as you're holding his hand/ The thought of that just shatters my hear/ It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart/ At times we was off I was scared to show you/ Now I wanna hold you until I can't hold you/ Without you, everything seems strange/ Your name is forever planted in my brain/ Damn it, I'm insane,/ Take away the pain/ Take away the hurt/ Baby, we can make it work/ What about when you/ Looked into my eyes/ Told me you loved me/ As you would hugged me/ I guess everything you said was a lie/ I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes/ Now I'm not even a thought in your mind/ I can see clearly, my love is not blind/ I just wish everything could have turned out differently/ I had a special feeling about you/ I thought maybe you did too/ You would understand, but/ No matter what, you'll always be in my heart/ You'll always be my baby/ Our first day, it seemed so magical/ I remember all the time that I had with you/ Remember when you first came to my house?/ You looked like an angel wearing that blouse/ We hit it off, I knew it was real/ But now I can't take all the pain that I feel/ Reach in your heart, I know I'm still there/ I don't wanna hear that you no longer care/ Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?/ I didn't think you would ever do me like this/ I didn't think you'd wanna see me depressed/ I thought you'd be there for me, this I confess/ You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?/ Now I'm nothing to you, you're with another guy/ I tried, I tried, I tried, and I'm trying/ Now on the inside it feels like I'm dying ." YOU'RE IN RUINS..

LET IT DIE

I WANT YOU SO BADLY, BUT I'LL NEVER COME BACK TO YOU.~ I NEED YOU TO COME BACK, BEGGING AND SCREAMING MY NAME.~OH, I KNOW.AND I WISH I COULD FORGIVE YOU.NEVER AGAIN.~ SEDUCE AND RULE MY WORLD AGAIN.COME AND GET ME EVEN IF I'M NOT THERE ANYMORE.IGNORE AND WANT ME AT THE SAME TIME ONCE AGAIN.BE MY EVERYTHING.~ GO AWAY, MY LOVE.MY TWO YEARS LOVE.MY EVERY MORNING WAKIN' UP REASON, GO.

Jocul asta s'a terminat in favoarea mea.

Ramasese pentru "marti, la 5, la mine".Asteptasem ziua asta ca pe...prima zi de vara, ca pe prima zi la 18 ani .Numai gandul ca imi voi trece din nou mana prin parul lui pana la umeri imi dadea fiori.

Dar, de data asta, nu va mai fi ca de obicei.De data asta ii voi arata ca sunt mai buna decat tarfele lui, decat alea pentru care m'a lasat de atatea ori (da, l'am iertat de fiecare data), decat alea care ii zic "iubitule"(pentru ca s'au culcat cu el, altfel nu), decat alea la care pleca intotdeuna dupa ce ma pupa pe frunte si imi spunea zambind "Ai grija de tine, micuto."

Vroiam sa se lase, sa scape de ele asa repede cum le'a agatat, sa fiu eu aia care sa faca cat toate la un loc(faceam cat toate la un loc, dar pentru ei nu conteaza partea asta 'sensibila').

3 ore in fata oglinzii, de parca mai conta cu ce ma imbracam(hainele dispareau intotdeuna primele).

Eram gata de mult, dar a spus 5, si nu iesea foarte frumos daca nu respectam asta.A trebuit sa pierd cateva ceasuri in fata TV'ului sau pe banca in statie, cu o tigara in mana, si cu batranii care se mirau de fiecare data cand mai trageam un fum.

Am ajuns in fata casei la 5 fara 5 minute si am sunat la poarta.Nervos, a iesit pe geam si mi'a spus in scarba ca am ajuns cu 5 minute mai repede, deci sa astept.

Intr'un final a deschis poarta, in timp ce eu calcam chistocul de la tigara aia care, pana si azi parca o mai simt in gat.

Tremuram, doar era langa mine..

M'a pupat pe frunte si am intrat in casa(bineinteles el primul, nu are treaba cu chestiile astea).

A inceput cum stia el mai bine, cum numai el stia...si acum vine partea cu alesul hainelor degeaba.

Era convins ca va iesi bine, ca azi voi ceda.Dar eu eram hotarata sa ii arat pe cine lasa el in fiecare dimineata de sambata pentru altele .Si asa a si fost...

I'am indepartat buzele de pe gatul meu, l'am dat jos de pe mine, am inceput sa ma imbrac in timp ce el se uita nedumerit , mi'am aranjat parul in monitorul calculatorului, si...pupandu'l pe frunte i'am soptit: ACUM, PENTRU ALEA 5 MINUTE PIERDUTE IN FATA PORTII, TERMINA'TE SINGUR DRAGULE .

Cu toata dragostea mea, tie, prostule..

Si uite asa se termina ceva neinceput, ceva consumat demult, ceva prea frumos si dezagreabil in acelasi timp.Asa se duce dracu' un an in 5 minute, asa se invata, asa se pierde.Asa se pierde ceva ce putini au, ceva perfect si stricat cu timpul, ceva impecabil, ceva murdar. Asa se profita cu un scop, ase se innebuneste cu acelasi scop, asa se distruge tot cu acelasi scop.Asa fac ei... Si uite, ti'am facut din nou placerea de a deschide ultima pagina din jocul asta murdar, din jocul nostru, din jocul tau. Uita'mi numele, te rog, pentru ca, de azi, NU MAI AM BANI, TIMP SI CHEF.